3 Ideas to make MLB even more perfect

My chief concern for the day is that nobody is watching baseball this time of year.

After watching a game snowed out and now rained out in the playoffs this year I got to thinking a bit about some things that could fix this incliment weather issue.  That of course lead to a trickle down of ideas that MLB might want to consider going forward to keep competitive with the other fall sports now dominating the airwaves.

Idea 1 - End the regular season in mid September
Why?  Well, my point about weather is the main reason.  Do we really want to see a snow out in Colorado?  Is playoff baseball better when all the warm weather players make silly errors because they can't turn their heads with all the cold weather gear on?  How about the playoffs, arguable the best time of the year (unless you are a Royals or Pirates fan) playing third fiddle to the NFL and NCAA football as it heats up during the conference season?

That leads to....
Idea 2 - Play Saturday double headers
I don't support shortening the season.  I am way too absorbed in statistics, and shortening the season would make me feel lost in a fog if I didn't have the same number of games to compare stats in my youth to stats in my adulthood.  The 2010 season for the Royals has 26 Saturdays.  If you play just half of those as double header days you shorten the season by nearly two weeks.  This allows you to get the LCS and LDS series over by the first week in October and set up the WS for the first 10 days or so of October.  Back to the World Series really being the magic in October.

Idea 3 - 30 Man roster
If you are playing all those double headers you might need a few extra players.  But lets take a page out of the NFL book.  You can have 30 on your roster but only activate 25 for each game.  Effectively, you would just deactivate all you starters not starting that day.  Want to keep three catchers?  Do it!  How about 4 utility infielders?  Yea!  Maybe we can keep some players on the roster for specialty reasons and keep the defensive liabilities off the field.  Oh and they all still have to be on your 40 man roster.

So there you go.  An idea, from an idea, from an idea.

Love thy neighbor, hate their dog - An ode to Meadow Park

Aww Meadow Park. Home of the affordable outside-of-town housing project. I can only imagine that one day when the world is ending, your inhabitants will be able to come together and defend your honor in a community style living. But for right now, they will settle with making the area as nonconformist as possible. 
From the outside, Meadow Park looks like an enjoyable, family oriented, quiet neighborhood, complete with pond, picket fences, and people constantly mowing their yards. But just take a step inside and see its manifested glory for yourself. Not only is there a plethora of non-running automobiles parked in front (and back) yards to make a cheap car salesman drool with lust, unused boats/ATVs/and RVs abound galore. And though the lawns on the outside may seem manicured, it's a rainforest of growth on the inside of the private fences and 3 foot deep moats that surround most of the houses.
Got children? Bring them on down for the suburban world Four-wheeler ridin' contest. It doesn't matter if they are underaged, it doesn't even matter if they've got a helmet! Heck, they can even ride their mini-motorcycle or homeade from a plywood board go cart if they want. No suffocating safety rules here. We don't judge.
Have you realized how absolutely cool it is to ride a low seated/ape hanger handlebar bicycle around the hood? You earn extra style points for sagging pants and sunglasses at night.
Do you love dogs? I mean really big, obnoxious, eat a small child aggressive dogs? Look no further! And don't even worry about keeping them on a leash. Fences? Heck no! We don't need no stinkin' fences. Dogs are meant to run around and be free to chase whatever and whomever they wish. It keeps those annoying joggers and young children populations from overgrowth.
Want to own a car that is worth more than your house? You will fit right in. Sure, that shiny new $35K truck or corvette looks great in the the driveway of your 900 sq. foot home. Make sure to leave all the beer cans in the yard and the pitbull tied up to the side.
Do you enjoy firecrackers? Do you think they should be used for every holiday? Well, it's all kinds of fun for the kids to shoot them in the street every night of the week here in Meadow Park. Or if you want to live on the edge a bit, shoot them at your neighbors back yard/house. I'm sure they won't mind.
Grandmas welcome! Any grandma with annoying yappie dogs that escape from their yards to poop in yours will feel right at home in Meadow Park. Plus, any grandmas not being able to drive properly will be given free reign to leave angry notes on your door about how it's your fault that she backed into your parked car in your driveway.
It's not always your fault if someone shoe polishes your car. But being too lazy to wipe off the large, white, male genitalia gracing the back window of your beat up 1980s blazer is not frowned upon in this community. Maybe you feel that everyone should share in your lack of public decency. And why shouldn't they? Or maybe in the 1979 you knocked out the window to your sky blue, full size chevy van in a wild hippie lovemaking session. What better way to cover up your mistake by hanging the American flag over the hole. Nobody will question your motives now. Especially since you have six blood hounds that live in your house with you and your last name is Bumpus.
And lastly, are you a die hard OU fan but find yourself trapped in the Land of OSU? It's not like you went to OU or even college for that matter, but when it comes to dresscode and house decorations, some deep evil seeded impulse makes you splurge your child support money on cheap crimson t-shirts and a large OU banner to run up the flag pole in the front yard. You will never feel left out in Meadow Park.
I don't understand why more people aren't just chomping at the bits to pack up and move outside of town to this wonderland of economic suburban living. Maybe because it's technically in Noble county. Maybe because the cable company refuses to run any lines out this far (despite the fact that a neighbor has a cable bucket truck). Maybe it's the flood plains that rise around the houses whenever it rains. Whatever the reason may be, it's an unfair one and I shall investigate it further. Therefore, good night sweet land of honey, wifebeaters, and diapers until tomorrow when we meet again. 


By guest blogger Annie Smith

Boat issues part duh

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

End of my rope...if I had one

I had some individuals tell me when I purchased a boat last summer that the owner has two happy days. The day you buy it and the day you sell it. I laughed at this witty little saying. Now the people that read these blogs are the only ones laughing.

At last we left this saga I had narrowly rescued the dilapidated boat from a watery embarrassing grave. Boating really isn't that difficult, unless you are a few sandwiches short of a picnic that day. Well whatever shred of mariner dignity I had is now at the bottom of the party cove and has a neighbor made of lead. More on that in a moment.

I had nearly shrugged off the previous boating trip adventure by traversing nearly 1500 miles and visiting northern New Mexico. A grand sight to be sure. So upon my arrival back in Oklahoma, I thought I would take another crack at this weekend "fun" thing. After all, it was just past our nations' birthday, and surely I had exercised all the bad luck I was going to have this summer.

Once again the water entrance procedure was undertaken, but this time my keen sense of preparation prodded me to put the plug in nearly three weeks before so as to avoid any potential mishaps should I be distracted by oh something as far fetched as the Loch Ness Monster.

Success. Boat on water good. Engine running, better. Cooler full, best. So off we go (I have a passenger who will remain anonymous). Away we go speeding off to the party cove, sun glistening off the aluminum railings, water splashing up in a fine mist that creates a faint rainbow when superimposed against the sun, and the "splash, splash, splash" of the bow cutting through the gently rising waves. Heaven. It was finally here. Nothing could stop us now. Except…

Rounding the final point and entering the mouth of the cove it became clear that this truly would be a glorious day. Boats of all shapes and sizes filled the cove. In every direction people of all ages could be seen frolicking in the water, consuming ceremonial juices, and cavorting about as if not a care in the world.

While taking this all in, the engine gave a quick chug, a glug, and a chunk, then stopped. No worries, we can crank it back up. No avail. Still no problem. Toss out the anchor. After all we really were where we needed to be. And hey worry about how to get back later. Time for fun.

We had landed a bit close to the next boat, so being the amicable chap I am, I pulled up anchor, tossed it out another 10 feet, tied off the anchor, and then settled in to enjoy some complex carbohydrates. My passenger then noticed that we were indeed much to close to the next boat to be safe.

At this point I remembered things from my childhood that I had laughed at my father for. I remember specifically a fishing trip where he had gotten so excited to find fish surfacing in a section of the lake that he tossed out the anchor with no rope attached. How HILARIOUS. I couldn't help but laugh and it provided a good memory, but I would never have anything like THAT happen.

So after glancing surprised at the owner of the ever nearing boat and quickly apologizing I glanced at where my perfectly tied fishermans loop should have been near the starboard bow of the boat. Huh, no rope. No worries I am sure its floating near the front of the boat. I mean it was 75 feet of rope and we were in a mere 9 feet. But it seems that I had splurged and purchased the rope with titanium woven into it and a density similar to a black hole. Lucky me.

Every boat must have backup after backup. Your main engine is primary, trolling motor for a fishing boat is secondary, then it is good ole person power. Good thing I had that trolling motor......oh wait I removed and sold that. Ok, no motor, no anchor, no trolling motor. Just paddle time now. Turns out that a 6 foot paddle really is not that handy to move a 18 foot boat. However, it works quite nicely to flag down lake patrol. And it is even more handy to haul yourself out of the muck as you swim your boat up to its trailer and winch it in from chest deep water.

So I really was happy when I bought this boat. Thank goodness I have one more happy day to look forward to. Soon.....

Update: But wait there is more! It appears that this boat doesn't limit its misery to a) water, or b) ME! So, this morning I awake to SCREECH....CRASH. Seems someone drove in front of our house too fast this morning, swerved around the boat and had a head-on collision with an SUV. Oh but how nice that this did bring the city inspectors out to look at the bushes on our property that overhang onto the road! Thank goodness they are giving us an ultimatum to prune them back and for me to move my boat out of the road or get a ticket. I am so happy to have it in the driveway soon. After all, who wants to park their car in the driveway when it can get egged on the street like the boat did two weeks ago. Yea!!!

If anyone feels the need to smoke dangerously, leave a candle unattended, or accidentally drop their Maldive cocktail then the boat is sitting at...... There might be some insurance $$$ in it for you.

Some things are more important than others

Since I have been a slacker and not written anything for a bit please enjoy these posts from last year. N

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

So people will tell you there are things you HAVE to do. My friend Dave Yantz always used to tell me there is nothing you have to do, only things you want to do. Well I have a new item on the list of things I WANT to do.

So I go boating this weekend. It's a beautiful day. Sunny, calm breeze, and a balmy 88 degrees (which is about 170 in Oklahoma temp). I am meeting some friends out at the lake a little later on in the day so I decided to go ahead and put the boat in the water early to get it running nicely and cleaned up. After all, it had been since last September since it was last used.

All was going well with the day, save for the neck pinch I woke up with. It seems that at some point during the night Spock gave me the Vulcan pinch and I could not turn my head when I woke up. However, that was nothing 1000mg of Aleve and two beers couldn't fix so I was off for the lake. Boat hooked up, cooler full, and swim trunks strapped on.

As I arrived at the lake it became clear that I was not the only Okie that had the bright idea that joining the Redneck Yacht Club was the thing to do that day. The trucks with boats in tow were descending upon the boat ramp like refugees on a rice truck. However I managed to secure a spot on the ramp, backed the boat down to just short of the water, and quickly jumped out to prepare the boat.

Now most forms of vehicle have a pre-launch routine. Airplanes, boats, sailboats, cars, motorcycles, space shuttle…Gas...check, retention hook off....check, cooler full....check, Bon Jovi/Winger/Motley Crue mix tape.....errrrr check.

Ok so all is going well. I put the motor down and fire that 1989 mercruiser up. The envy of all Hyundai owners. I back the boat off the trailer and cruse up to the dock a mear 50 feet away. Triumphantly I tie off my noble steed (I mean 17 foot faded ski boat) and strut back to my Jeep to park the trailer.

After parking I am feeling pretty good. Typically this is a two person operation, and I on this grand day have in the midst of a gaggle of boats have done it in rather fine fashion and fairly quickly. However as I stride down the hill toward the boat ramp in my sport Tevas' I notice that the engine is not running. Yes, no lawnmower like rumble to greet me as I prepare to disembark.

......and huh, did the old girl always sit that low in the water? I know the old girl has a few years on her but dang. And then the WTF moment hits me as the final brain cell shrugged off the painkiller induced haze. DID I PUT THE PLUG IN? Oh, but I need not wait long to answer that question. As I approach the now precariously listing boat I see water bubbling up from the storage hatch of the boat like a drain in a female res hall shower. Was I too late?! In only a few short moments the boat had taken on a full TWO FEET of water.

Frantically (in a cool and studly manner) I jump into the boat and look for the plug. No luck. Ok, next plan, slow the sinking. BILGE PUMP. YES! So I turn on the pump and a geyser of water starts shooting out the back of the boat. Excellent, this will give me precious extra moments. The plug now located I focus on keeping the now 2 1/2 feet under boat above water. I reach down to put the plug in (which is below the engine in the very back. helpful for draining, but under the heavy part of the boat, helpful for sinking). No luck, can't reach it.

As luck would have it a very pretty girl was watching ALL of this. She sweetly says "Need any help?". With as much dignity as I could muster I growl "No, I've got it" then dive into the water to find the plug hole. Nearly needing to submerge my head, I find the plug hole, secure the brass plug and stop the bleeding.

Only an agonizing 20 minutes running the pump later I was able to start the engine, and limp out to the middle of the lake with plan only to return home under the cover of darkness.

There are only things you want to do, not things you have to do. I want to put the plug in my boat.

And it begins...........

How to begin? There is a lot of pressure when writing the first few words of your publishing career. Well, starting any type of literary work has its pressures. You must be engaging and thought provoking to keep readers engaged. Think of the great opening lines that come to your mind. “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” Let us get past illusions such as this that we will ever achieve that apex of creation. But do we really need that here? After all, we no longer live in a world of culture, and I am no Dickens.

Sorry no hard information today. However, I will lay a few ground rules for myself. “You”, whoever “You” may be can help hold me accountable.

No names will be used. Well, let me place a caveat to that. No names will be used unless you are a public figure. In that case you make yourself fair game. And since this is my blog and my rules, I get to decide what constitutes a public figure. It is safe to say that I will not use this venue to publicly bash people I know or work with. That is immature, unfair, and generally uninteresting. On the oft chance that more than a handful of people read this in the future, then we shall stick to issues most people can relate to.

Language of a profane persuasion will be non-existent or kept to a minimum. If you can’t make your point or describe something without profanity, then pick another medium. The exception would be to quote someone.

I invite criticism, conjecture, debate, thought, and outside perspective. I may respond, and you may not like it, so don’t take it personal.

That is about it. I really don’t feel the need to further cramp myself at this point. I plan to crank out topic number one in a few days. Enjoy. Hope we all live to see the next post.